Just For
Fun

 

Dilbert

 

GoComics:
Calvin & Hobbes


Office
Poetry


Monty
Python

 

Castaway
FedEx
Spoof


Jokes
Arcade


Funniest
Movie
Death Scenes


How to Deal
With
TeleMarketers

 

Video Jug

 

Comedy
Central




Humor
Bin


Darwin
Awards


One Semester
Of Spanish
Love Song


Worst
Alum Covers


Great Christmas
Gift Idea
 

Grinning
Planet

 

Aha Jokes
 

Silver
Surfers

 

Funny
Accidents

 

G String
Humor


 

Funny
Animal Clips

 

Glengarry
Glen
Girl Scout

 

How to
Cuddle

 

Napoleon
Dynamite
Dance Scene

 

Laughs
Out Loud


The Onion

Odd Todd

Basic Jokes

DeMotivators

About Humor




Yahoo
Humor


Muppets
Show


Lots of
Jokes


Jokes Galore

Robin Williams
Elmer Fudd
Bruce
Springsteen


Pachelbel's
Rant


Charlie
Brown and
The Cast of
Scrubs


Bugs Bunny
Blooper Reel


Jokes
n Jokes


Work Jokes



Great
Olan Mills
Photos


Man of
101 Voices

 

 Voice of Bart
Simpson

 

Simpsons
Voices

 

Simpsons
on Conan O’Brien

 

Family Guy:
Meg’s Phone
Sex Job


I Should
Be Working


Humor
Project


Engrish


The Office
Meeting


Like
You Know






 

 

 



VIDEO MADNESS
 

100 Best Movie Lines in 200 Seconds

Cowboys are Frequently Secretly Fond of each Other

Lost Parody Song: Answers
Lost Meets Spongebob: Fun Song
Friends Bloopers
Pirates of Caribbean Bloopers

 


PUNNY WORK HISTORY
 

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned...  Couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it - mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was too exhausting.

Then I tried to be a chef. I figured it would add a little spice to my life but I just didn't have the thyme.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy enough.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.

Next was a job in a shoe factory. I tried, but I just didn't fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

I finally got a job as a historian, until I realized there was no future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

So... I retired.

 



TAYLOR MALI

Taylor Mali is a teacher a def poetry slam performer.

Like You Know

What Teachers Make
Miracle Workers

Like Lily Like Wilson
Undivided Attention
Defending American Interests
Labeling Keys

 


ODD TODD

"Todd" is unemployed.  He was laid off in June 2001. He hasn't had a real job since then. He lives in Brooklyn. He was born in Manhattan and grew up in New Rochelle, NY. Single guy. As a way of dealing with his situation, he created a series of cartoons to document his plight.
 

Laid-Off: A Day in the Life
Laid-Off: Help Wanted
Laid-Off: Annual Report
Laid-Off: Vacation Day
Laid-Off: Career Day
Laid-Off: Hollywood Bound
 



LIGHTBULBS
How Many Does It Take?

Light Bulb Jokes
More Light Bulb Jokes

Even More Light Bulb Jokes

 


KNOCK KNOCK
Good Ol' Knock Knock Jokes

Aha: Knock Knock Jokes
Best Knock Knock Jokes
Funniest Knock Knock Jokes
Clean Knock Knock Jokes

 


JOB HUMOR
Career Comedy

 

Chris Rock: Job vs Career

Chris Rock: Half Hour Lunch Break

Flip Flop: Funny Job Interview
Real Meaning of Work Words
How Not to Conduct a Job Interview
Dilbert: Career Day, Holding Up the Wall, Drive By Management
Dilbert: Aura of Incompetence, Year end Spending, Deep Thoughts
The Office: Dwight and Jim
 



PUNNY STUFF
Puns for Folks With High IQs

 

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted - 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

A pun is its own reword.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

 


LIBERTY & JUSTICE


CREATIVE IMAGES
Amazing Photographs

 

Impossible Pictures
Amazing Family Photos

 


DOMESTIC HIP HOP
Rap for the Family Set

 

Swagger Wagon
A Dad's Life

 



TRIVIA

 

Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?

A. Their birthplace

 

Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?

A. Obsession

 

Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'?

A. One thousand

 

Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?

A. All were invented by women.

 

Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?

A. Honey

 

Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?

A. Father's Day

 



PHONE BOOK
Hot New Social Network

 

Introducing the Hot New Social Network, PhoneBook.

Allows User to Call Friends, Speak to Them.

 

(From The Borowitz Report)

 

A new social network is about to alter the playing field of the social media world, and it’s called PhoneBook.

According to its creators, who invented the network in their dorm room at Berkeley, PhoneBook is the game-changer that will leave Facebook, Twitter and even the much anticipated Google Buzz in a cloud of dust.

“With PhoneBook, you have a book that has a list of all your friends in the city, plus everyone else who lives there,” says Danny Fruber, one of PhoneBook’s creators.

“When you want to chat with a friend, you look them up in PhoneBook, and find their unique PhoneBook number,” Fruber explains.  “Then you enter that number into your phone and it connects you directly to them.”

Another breakout utility of PhoneBook allows the user to arrange face-to-face meetings with his or her friends at restaurants, bars, and other “places,” as Fruber calls them.

“You will be sitting right across from your friend and seeing them in 3-D,” he said.  “It’s like Skype, only without the headset.”

PhoneBook will enable friends to play many games as well, such as charades, cards, and a game Fruber believes will be a breakout: Farm.

“In Farm, you have an actual farm where you raise real crops and livestock,” he says.  “It’s hard work, but it’s more fun than Mafia, where you actually get killed.”

 


PROFESSIONS
Making Fun of People's Jobs

Profession Jokes
Science Jokes
Music Jokes
Economist Jokes
Philosopher Jokes
Philosophical Humor
Political Humor

 



MUPPETS
Best Moments From the Muppet Show

Rita Moreno

Steve Martin
Paul Simon
John Cleese

Julie Andrews

Beverly Sills

Ben Vereen
Elton John
Harry Belafonte

Christopher Reeves

Liza Minelli

Lydia the Tatooed Lady
Sax and Violence
Never Smile at a Crocadile

50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

I Don't Got Rhythm
 


WAL-MART APPLICATION

This is supposedly an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so funny.

NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard)

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION:  Company's President or Vice President.  But seriously, whatever's available.  If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place

DESIRED SALARY:  $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz-style severance package.  If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD:  Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY:  A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:  My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:  Any.

PREFERRED HOURS:  1:30-3:30 p.m.  Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:  Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment .

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:    If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:  Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:  I m ay already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?:  On the job, no!  On my breaks, yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.  Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE: 7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:  Oh yes, absolutely.

 



WORLD'S FUNNIEST COMMERCIALS

Funny Stupid and Banned Commercials

Outrageously Funny Commercials
Changing Tires Can be Dangerous
Bubblicious
You Were Snoring
My Mom Said I Could
Porsche
Use Condoms

 


MEN'S ROOM MURAL


Edge Designs is an all-women run company  that designs interior office space. They had a
recent opportunity to do an office project in New York City.  The client allowed the women of this company a free hand in all design aspects. The client was a company that was also run by all women execs.  The result.........well.....We all know that men never talk, never look at each other, and never laugh much in the restroom. The men's room is a serious and quiet place. But now, with the addition of one mural on the wall......lets just say the men's restroom is now a place of laughter and smiles.

 


MORE TRIVIA

 

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.

Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

Coca-Cola was originally green.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska

The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%

The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $ 16,400

The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour: 61,000

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer

The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades: King David, Hearts: Charlemagne, Clubs: Alexander, the Great, Diamonds: Julius Caesar

 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

 


SMORES


MORE FUNNY VIDEOS

Funny Cats
Funny Dogs
Funny Kids
Baby Laughs
Funniest Home Videos

 



WEIRD AL YANKOVIC

Weird Al Yankovic: On E-Bay

Weird Al Yankovic: Like a Surgeon
Weird Al Yankovic: Fat
Weird Al Yankovic: Eat It
Weird Al Yankovic: Amish Paradise
Weird Al Yankovic: One More Minute

 


ALTERED DICTIONARY
New Words for Your Vocabulary

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

 
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

 
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
 
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
 
7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

 
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
 
9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
 
10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
 



 

11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
 
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
 
13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
 
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
 
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
 
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
 
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
 
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
 
And the winners are:
 
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
 
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
 
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
 
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
 
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
 
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
 
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
 
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
 
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
 
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
 
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
 
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
 
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
 
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
 
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

 

 



WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

DR. PHIL :
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

OPRAH :
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
 

GEORGE W. BUSH :
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
 

COLIN POWELL :
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY :
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE :
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN :
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.



MARTHA STEWART :
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS :
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY :
To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL :
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?' That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA :
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS :
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON :
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

ARISTOTLE :
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES :
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ...... reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN :
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON :
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE :
I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS :
Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY :
Where's my gun?

AL SHARPTON :
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

 



EVEN MORE TRIVIA

 

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

 

Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

 

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase:  'goodnight, sleep tight.'

 

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb'

 

Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden."  And thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

 

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

 

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.'   It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'

 

Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.

 

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?
 



DIFFERENCES
Between You And Your Boss

 

If you take a long time, you're slow.
BUT if your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.

If you don't do it, you're lazy.
BUT if your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

If you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
BUT if your boss makes a mistake, he's 'only human'.

If you're on a day off sick, you're 'always' sick.
BUT if your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

If you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
BUT if your boss does it, he's being firm.

If you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.
BUT if your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.

If you please your boss, you're arse-creeping.
BUT if your boss please his boss, he's being co-operative.

If you do something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
BUT if your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.

If you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
BUT if your boss is out of the office, he's on business.

If you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
BUT if your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.

 



HELP DESK
Humor in the IT Department
 
IT Help Desk
Help Desk: Helping Dumb People
The Help Desk
Life at a Call Center
Help Desk Humor
Funny Tech Support Call
Medieval Help Desk

Star Wars Help Desk

IT Help Desk Wars

IT Help Desk
 


THE IT CROWD
The UK Television Series in Praise of Geeks

Truest Moment

Standard Nerds vs Woman

Awkward Situation

Fly

Ranting About Firewalls

Google

Google Into Google

What?

Lonely Hearts

Lady Problems

Jen Tries to Learn About Computers

Amateur Hour

 



SUMMER CLASSES FOR MEN
At The Adult Learning Center
 
Class 1
 
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays
[Step by Step, with Slide Presentation]
 

Class 2
 
The Toilet Paper Roll: Does It Change Itself?
 
[Round Table Discussion]
 
 

Class 3 
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?
[Group Practice]
 
 

Class 4 
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor
[Pictures and Explanatory Graphics]
 

Class 5 
Dinner Dishes: Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
 
[Examples on Video]

Class 6
 
Loss Of Identity: Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other
[Help Line Support and Support Groups]
 

Class 7
 
Learning How To Find Things: Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming
[Open Forum
]


Class 8
 
Health Watch: Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health
[Graphics and Audio Tapes]
 

Class 9 
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost
[Real Life Testimonials]
 
 

Class 10 
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
 
[Driving Simulations]
 
 

Class 11 
Learning to Live: Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife
 
[Online Classes and Role-Playing]
 
 

Class 12 
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion 
[Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques]


Class 13
 
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy: Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late
 
[Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered]
 
 

Class 14 
The Stove/Oven: What It Is and How It Is Used
 
[Live Demonstration]